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Staying Positive (Despite the Clouds)

February 12, 2008

I’ve been incredibly lucky this winter. It wasn’t until early February that SAD hit me. It took a friend to make me realize that was what the problem was. She kept asking me why I was in such a weird mood. I was at a complete loss, but her insistence that something was wrong forced me to confront the reality. I realized I hadn’t seen the sun in days.

My boss was being a general asshat the week before, and it was stressing me out way more than usual- to the point that I was having thoughts about physically harming myself. This is usually my first clue that my feelings are not the usual winter blues. This is SAD- full blown SAD. I started taking the St. Johns Wort, but if I so much as miss one day of it, the SAD starts kicking my butt again. My boyfriend has been very supportive though, and that helps a lot. Also, my mom takes it seriously, which is very supportive. This is the woman who wouldn’t take my brother to the ER, insisting nothing was wrong even though the broken collarbone was jutting out from the skin. (Yeah, she’s never living that one down.) So the fact that she takes this intangible “illness” seriously helps me out a lot.

Overall, I have been making a concerted effort to stay positive. My cognizance that I am chemically “off” is helping me fight the feelings of depression. The thing that helps me the most is the fact that March 20th is a little over a month away. That is the day where it is light longer than dark. Mid March has typically been the turning point for me. I know that I won’t have to worry about it much longer. I feel lucky that this year has been so easy. I was traveling a heck of a lot before and after Christmas, so I know that helped.

And of course I have a lot to look forward to this summer. 🙂

Political P.S.- Also, the fact that Obama is the frontrunner as of last night has seriously lifted my spirits. I heart Obama. There- now I’ve outed myself officially.

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