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Shhh… She’s a Bit Fragile Right Now

August 3, 2010

If I have to utter or hear the phrase “We need to wait until Baba has a job.” one more time, I might scream. I might start screaming and never, ever stop.

And then I’ll be known as the Shrieking Harpy. I’ll just sit there with my mouth open, screaming, while I ride the subway, walk around town, and sit at my desk. Of course, I’ll lose my own job eventually. There’s only so much bullshit a boss can take. My friends will stop coming around, and Baba will probably divorce me, and eventually I’ll stop going out, because the police will put me under house arrest, as I’ll be considered a menace to society.

And then I’ll sit alone in my house, screeching and howling as I go about the daily activities, not even consoled by the company of cats, because their sensitive ears can hear me screaming even in the higher octaves. Reporters will stop by to try to find out the story behind the Shrieking Harpy. They’ll make up some story about it being performance art, and how I’m making a statement on the eternal conflict in the Middle East, or protesting the dying Bedouin culture in Northern Africa, or some such nonsense.

“Ma’am, can you please tell us why you scream.”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“I see, and do you have any idea when you’ll be able to stop screaming?”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“Wow, what a powerful statement. Bill, back to you.”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Thanks, Crystal. In other news, Justin Beiber was arrested over the weekend for possession of methamphetamines. Sunny, has the story for us in L.A.”

When I finally die, it will take a week for my neighbors to find my body, because they will live so far away from me, in order to avoid hearing my screams. And no one will think it sad that I’ve died, because I was a menace to society anyway. They’ll probably throw a party.
I suppose I should be consoled by the fact that at least there won’t be any cats feasting on my corpse.


The Shrieking Harpy during happier times, when cats would tolerate her presence.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. August 8, 2010 6:36 pm

    Whoa. Angie getting cozy with a cat? Hell has officially frozen over.Have you seen the screaming banshee e-cards on Hallmark.com? This post made me think of them. If you haven't seen them, you must.I'm with you on the lack-of-job frustration. I was actually offered a job about a week ago (6th grade English–perfect!), but because I didn't score high enough on some personality quiz I had to take when I applied, they told me I couldn't have the job. Then I called a bunch of people, politely asked "What the hell?" and have been awaiting a callback from an HR lady for days. The job is no longer available, I can't get anyone to tell me if it's been filled by someone else, and I've called that lady so much, I think she's not calling me back just to spite me. AND school starts in two weeks. Grrr.

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